GOOD & GETTING BETTER

post #131 reality bites... or not

2010-04-16T18:14:00.001-05:00

I'm reading Women, Food & God by Geneen Roth (read excerpt here) and I am trying to slow down, listen to what I'm feeling, and stop reaching for food to numb my emotions. And, I have so much to look forward to - and to enjoy today.

Myth #1: What I say/think/feel has little value to anyone but me.
Truth: My thoughts are valuable to me, my immediate family, and my friends.

Even though I'm not an expert on many topics I'm interested in, it doesn't lessen my opinion. And when others do not agree with me, it is not a personal attack on me.
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Myth #2: I'm not worthy of love until I reach some number on a scale (the moving target).
Truth: I am a beautiful child of God. Those I love are not stupid people, and they love me.

Enough said, right?
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Myth #3: Negative self-talk will motivate me to achieve my personal goals.
Truth: Negativity breads negativity, period. Negative attitudes lead to giving up - and I'm all too familiar with that routine. It doesn't work for me any longer.

Positive, uplifting, affirming self talk will further validate an improved self image. Admitting to myself that I'm "worth the trouble to ____ (fill in the blank)" is the first step to life-long happiness with myself. Only then can I be happy with others.

Food doesn't numb pain, hurt, frustration, or trouble. Food isn't the method of choice to celebrate all good things in life. Togetherness. Family. Friends. Community. Activity. These are coping mechanisms I want to teach my children - and must therefore model, which means I need to re-teach myself. Positive energy is supportive and constructive.

Two events are approaching on my calendar - EXCITING EVENTS! - and I'm determined not to beat myself up about goals. However, goals not set are goals not met. So, here goes...

Two week goal:
1. work out 6 days per week. cardio every day, weights every day (rotating upper & lower body focus)
2. maintain food journal & track calories
3. smile at myself in the mirror
4. weigh regularly & record in food journal
lose 6 lbs

50 day goal:

1. work out 6 days per week. cardio every day, weights every day (rotating upper & lower body focus)

2. maintain food journal & track calories

3. smile at myself in the mirror

4. weigh regularly & record in food journal

lose 15 lbs

This is reality and I must stop ignoring it... even if it bites (although all the bites is how I ended up here, no?)

post #130 today is the first of many successes

2010-03-13T11:48:00.001-06:00

I'm "taking a step in faith," "believing in the power of positivity," and "hoping for the best."

Please tell me I'm not a sucker.

Post #129 realization of the day

2010-03-12T18:21:00.000-06:00

I'm only as strong as I allow myself to be. Therefore, I need to get out of my own way.

I'm not Catholic either, but a Christian is a Christian.

2010-03-08T20:14:00.000-06:00

Amen!

Read Rev. James Martin, S.J.'s response to Glenn Beck's (FOX's idiot) recent comments (see below)

Glenn Beck quoted:
"I'm begging you, your right to religion and freedom to exercise religion and read all of the passages of the Bible as you want to read them and as your church wants to preach them . . . are going to come under the ropes in the next year. If it lasts that long it will be the next year. I beg you, look for the words 'social justice' or 'economic justice' on your church Web site. If you find it, run as fast as you can. Social justice and economic justice, they are code words. Now, am I advising people to leave their church? Yes."

Rev. Martin's entire article is worth reading, but this excerpt made me think - No, I'm not a Catholic, but a Christian is a Christian. And, if the Christian church doesn't advocate for social and economic justice for all, especially the poor, then

Rev. Martin quoted:

"... But Glenn Beck is saying something else: "Leave Christianity." Again and again in the Gospels, Jesus mentions our responsibility to care for the poor, to work on their behalf, to stand with them. In fact, when asked how his followers would be judged he doesn't say that it will be based on where you worship, or how you pray, or how often you go to church, or even what political party you believe in. He says something quite different: It depends on how you treat the poor.

In the Gospel of Matthew (25) he tells his surprised disciples, that when you are meeting the poor, you are meeting him. They protest. "Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?' And the king will answer them, 'Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me."

But our responsibility to care for "the least of these" does not end with simple charity. Giving someone a handout is an important part of the Christian message. But so is advocating for them. It is not enough simply to help the poor, one must address the structures that keep them that way. Standing up for the rights of the poor is not being a Nazi, it's being Christian. And Communist, as Mr. Beck suggests? It's hard not to think of the retort of the great apostle of social justice, Dom Helder Camara, archbishop of Recife, "When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist."

The attack on social justice is the tack of those who wish to ignore the concerns the poor and ignore the social structures that foster poverty. It's not hard to see why people are tempted to do so. How much easier it would be if we didn't have to worry about the poor!

But ignoring the poor, and ignoring what keeps them poor, is, quite simply, unchristian. For the poor are the church in many ways. When St. Lawrence, in the fourth century, was ordered by the prefect of Rome to turn over the wealth of the church, he presented to him the poor.

Glenn Beck's desire to detach social justice from the Gospel is a move to detach care for the poor from the Gospel. But a church without the poor, and a church without a desire for a just social world for all, is not the church.

At least not the church of Jesus Christ. Who was, by the way, poor."

The Rev. James Martin, SJ is the author of The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything. A longer version of this post can be found at America magazine's blog "In All Things."http://www.americamagazine.org/blog/entry.cfm?blog_id=2&id=21159420-3048-741E-7761300524585116

LOVE IT! And, yes... I believe Jesus was a liberal (not a Communist).

I'm not Jewish, but I don't need to be Jewish to get it.

2010-03-01T16:54:00.000-06:00

Finally, an article I can relate to...

a blog post by Norman Lear: A Church for People Like Us.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Post #128 the grammar lesson

2010-03-01T09:29:00.001-06:00

In the study of parts of speech: a, and, the are articles. Zip, buzz, kerplunk are onomatopoeia. Zap! Pow! Wow! are interjections. Expletives, on the other hand...

So, true to my word, I weighed this morning. The Health-O-Meter scale sits in my master bathroom. I saw it out the corner of my eye as I untied my tennis shoes, showered, brushed my teeth, dried my hair... I knew I had to step on that thing before I dressed (before adding extra weight, you know). Okay, here it is, the moment of truth. I tapped the -O-, stepped on the scale, held my breath, closed my eyes, and weighted - I mean, waited. It really isn't so bad. My emergency prayer was answered, the number was under 150. The official day 1 weigh-in is 148.0 lbs and I'm okay with that. It's actually down .6 lbs from the last time I weighed (which was up 2 lbs from the time before that, I'm not going to lie). What about the grammar lesson? I held the expletives and add to the definition of "a." I would submit that "a" can also be used to describe "a starting point." Today is that, for sure.

This is the moment I usually give myself "the pep talk." It regularly consists of: "you exercise every day," "you feel good enough in your clothes," "you weighed more than this on your wedding day," "you have come so far," "the tens digit is holding steady," and "hell, you ARE in your mid thirties, post-hysterectomy and medicated for a thyroid disease." Mind you, I realize that all of these are just excuses.

So, today is day 1 of 30 days. I'll try to post every day about the other commitment... to spend as little money as possible. I suggested we go out for dessert last night as a last hurrah, but it didn't fly. We stayed home, I cooked in my new Pampered Chef covered baker, and we watched the original Karate Kid movie followed by Little Giants. My sick baby laughed so hard... it was worth staying in. The missed dessert probably aided my lower-than-I-expected weigh-in this morning as well.

Off to take Judson to the doctor... Happy Day 1. Focus on happy.

Post #127 the 30 day challenge

2010-02-28T16:58:00.001-06:00

My internet searching habits are out of wack. I just flounder, like a search engine with ADD Inattentive. Headlines are deceiving, articles lose my interest after the first paragraph, and the abundance of celebrity-tracking sites says more about our society than I care to know.

One MSNmoney article suggested a 30 day challenge that piqued my imagination of "what we could be." I left it open on the computer screen and David read it last night... he fell right into my little, un-elaborate trap. (Sorry if my lack of originality disappointed you, right there.) Anyway, we discussed it this morning - while Judson is moaning with a fever above 101, Andy has a Bill Cosby comedy track blaring in his ears, David's preparing to teach a Sunday school lesson on greed, and I'm getting my head around cleaning out the drain in our bathroom sink... glamourous Sunday morning.

Per the Bankrate.com article:
"Start by cutting out the luxuries. Don't eat out. Drive less. The benefits can include more savings, less debt and a bigger emergency fund. Hey, it's only for a month, right?'
"You can significantly improve your personal balance sheet in as little as 30 days. The key is what personal-finance experts call a no-spend month. Also called a buy-nothing month, it's a 30-day period of superfrugality in which you cut out all extras, buy only basic necessities and spend as little money as possible."

Many commitments commence tomorrow morning: the 30 day challenge to spend as little money as possible; I'll begin my weigh-in posts (Lord, help us all as we prepare to witness a 34 year old temper tantrum... weekly, no less); and finally, as of Ash Wednesday, we're running meatless.

Don't you want us to invite you over this month?! C'mon...

post #126: smaller is better with the right kinds of boxes

2010-02-27T20:58:00.000-06:00

I advocate for downsizing, and I'm not talking about pant size. (Although... wait, that's another post.)

Anyway, downsizing.... I enjoy watching t.v. shows about people touring homes with their realtor, deciding between the (a) 7500 sq ft estate with 7 beds/5.5 baths overlooking the infinity pool on the 4 acre precisely manicured lot, and the (b) 5200 sq ft home with only 5 beds/4.5 baths on the 2 acre lot with room for the dream pool & patio & outdoor kitchen. Don't get me wrong, I'm entertained - not jealous. Really, who wants to clean all that? Because in my reality, I'm cleaning it. And I'm not signing the dotted line to dust, mop, & vacuum either of those... not to mention the bathrooms. You recall that I live with 3 males. Enough said.

Anyway, back to downsizing. We're in a 1300-ish sq ft home. I'm not going to lie to you, some days it's a little tight. However, the "Dave Ramsey, budget-conscious, dread-to-'really'-clean" girl in me is thrilled with it. Spring cleaning (and fall cleaning, for that matter) is not a luxury taken lightly. It is essential. Well, this weekend's plans have changed more than once. Forego the fundraiser dinner on Friday night, the job fair in Waco on Saturday morning, worship & fellowship Saturday night (David and Andy are there now)... my baby has a fever. The ibuprofen can't keep up. He's so tired and goes from sweating to chills within minutes. I thought I'd get started on spring cleaning. I re-organized the first aid and medicine only to find that the new "toolbox" is too small. Perfect excuse for a break.

Thank goodness we downsized. I should be studying, putting away clean clothes and clean dishes. Thanks to the purging we've done over the years, even 2010's spring cleaning isn't overwhelming. Besides, I have tomorrow since Jud & I will stay home from Sunday school. Plus, I have a headache now. I'm sure it isn't from the steady stream of sugar I've taken in since approximately 2PM on Friday (still supported the pre-fundraiser bake sale). Now, about that pant size...

2010 : February 25 summer is in June this year?

2010-02-25T21:16:00.000-06:00

Go figure. It's just like summer to go off and start unexpectedly. June? Huh. I'm not ready. I know it's only February 25, but hell... IT'S ALMOST MARCH 1! Do you understand what that means? I've been hedging, flirting and toying with my 2010 resolution to "lose those pesky 15 lbs." Yes, David and I agreed to walk away from meat for Lent. But, I guess I should've been jogging instead. Hell, perhaps sprinting, let's be honest.

About giving up meat... it hasn't been difficult. My habits? Those are annoying. They're the voice in the back of my head saying: "Veggie pizza is good for you," "You deserve extra corn chips and salsa since you ordered the eggs & peppers instead of the sour cream chicken enchiladas," and "4:15 AM is an insane hour when you expect to stay awake to substitute all day." (Granted, the last one is accurate when you can't sleep in the following day.)

I've been exercising, but I do miss kettle bells. I just can't make it out of be at 4:15 AM, to drive across town for an hour workout (albeit, a great workout), to drive back across town, to rush to get myself and the boys ready, to rush Andy to the bus, to rush breakfast for myself (when there's time), to then function throughout the day... and the next day too. I'm tired. Don't make fun of me for admitting that I'm about to go to bed any minute. What?! It's after 9 PM! Shhh, you're just jealous. It's okay. I understand.

Anyway, about the resolutions, I meant them. I mean, I mean them... now. Today. I'll admit to something ridiculous. No, don't be crazy. I'm not pulling a Kirstie Alley and setting a goal to post a photo of me in a bikini. However, I have to be accountable to someone. Why not the quiet, solitary internet? Someone reads this, right? You'll slap me, I mean, support me when I mess up. So, here's the deal. Beginning on March 1, I'll post my weekly weigh in every Monday. You'll be my free meeting, group, club... whatever. It's really for me and I know that. The truth is that I believe the number is just a number. The important thing is (1) how I feel, and (2) how I feel in my clothes. The number is just a number. This is my head talking.

Now, if I can just convince my emotions. Summer... you don't scare me. But, game on.

2010 : February 21 Bologna for Breakfast

2010-02-21T17:40:00.001-06:00

Today started well enough. I got plenty of sleep and woke 3 minutes before my alarm. As I positioned myself on the treadmill, ready to get 500 calories out of the way this morning, I turned the television to channel 5 as they completed an interview with a man who's father passed away in the office building in Austin last week. One of the reporter's comments about pieces of the plane struck me. Even though the plane crashed into the side of the building, engulfed itself and part of the building in flames, the pilot and this man's father died, and many others were injured... parts of the plane were still identifiable.

Then, I watched HGTV for a while so I could escape and let me mind wander while running. After half an hour or more, I turned back as Meet the Press began.

Click here to watch the interview. I was halfway listening, my mind wandering. I heard words bubbling out of his mouth about "12-18 month campaign," "just beginning," and more about our duty in the Afgan & Pakistani regions. But I was dumbfounded when he pulled out the emotional 9/11 card for the viewers. This comment made me want to connect the dots...

Many of you will probably discount most conspiracy theorists, as I do, before considering their evidence. David and I watched the original Loose Change online a couple of years ago. Last week, David's current netflix selection was Loose Change final cut (<-- click on the title to view the 130 minute film).

How is it that a small plane crashes into a building on purpose, catches fire, parts of the plane are seen, able to be collected, & identified, and we have video of the accident (or since there was intent, some even label this act as terrorism); yet the huge aircraft that we're told hit the Pentagon isn't on film (via nearby security footage, etc), there aren't any pieces of wreckage (at this site nor in Pennsylvania), and the crash site doesn't even match the shape/size of the plane?

I know the arguments will be: The larger aircraft that hit the pentagon was going faster, hit the Pentagon (clearly, a more fortified building), more jet fuel, and on and on.

We're supposed to believe? In a democracy, we're supposed to question.

If I had to point to one dominating characteristic of U.S. citizens-at-large, myself included, that I'm most disappointed in - outraged, even - it is our lack of memory. We are doomed to repeat history that we cannot remember. We deserve to be slighted by elected officials when we blindly (1) vote strictly by party lines, (2) vote for the most convincingly advertised candidates, (3) ignore local politics in favor of "the one's that really matter... like President," and (4) remain concerned only with our own pocketbooks, home improvement projects, extra channels on our HDTV's, and with our "being right."

Being "right" doesn't matter if you're alone, being cheated by the most powerful lobby interests, or our communities have nothing to pass on to our children's children because we were too polite, too selfish or to insecure to ask the right questions.

I'm sending my bologna breakfast back to the kitchen. I'm searching for ways to improve the menu choices, plus searching for ways that allow everyone to have room at the table.

2010 : February 20 "Shhhh..."

2010-02-20T21:33:00.001-06:00

I'm an over-sharer. I share too much.
It's a problem.

I take things personally. I worry too much about what others perceive about me, specifically about my choices. What does it say about me that I want others to like me even when we really don't have much in common. Is that the definition of insecure? What does it mean that I'd rather shut up than share what I really think? What would David say? Would I have any friends left? Why do I feel I don't really have any close friends anyway?

When I look back at my life so far, I have had chances. Chances with great friends. Chances at good schools. Chances to make great choices. Introspectively, I wonder if I've taken full advantage of the opportunities before me. I wonder if some around me now settled, and of those still here... when will they realize it?

Shhh, I've done it again. I shared too much, but this is my difficult conversation. It's all inside my head. And, it may be a problem.

2010 : 31 hello, goodbye.

2010-01-31T15:59:00.000-06:00

Hello.

I was tardy to the party that is "fb," and now I've deactivated the kit & caboodle. Sorry to my "friends" that I haven't seen or spoken to in over 15 years. I know that if we're meant to truly reconnect, we will... offline.

I found that I was wasting time, mindlessly reading the status updates of friends who were essentially strangers. I was left with less time to get more done. Laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, playing, working, reading, writing, studying, talking, resting, running... all more important to me and my well-bring than logging in to catch up.

Giada's making crab cakes... and I'm sitting here typing. Why the face? Perfect case-in-point.

Bub-bye.

2010 : 28 why?

2010-01-29T12:35:00.000-06:00

Why do I eat when I'm stressed? frustrating.

2010 : 27a International Holocaust Remembrance Day 2010

2010-01-27T14:36:00.000-06:00

NowPublic article

The Christian Science Monitor article (with current photos)

I remember taking a field trip to the Holocaust Museum in Dallas, I think I was in high school. It was a powerful experience and I remember details to this day... my class squishing into a boxcar. looking at the interior walls of the boxcar as the volunteer tour guide asked us to notice the scrapes - by finger nails. viewing clothing, teeth, hair, etc... all samples of artifacts from the tragedy.

I want the boys to know that choices they make - every choice makes a difference. The people we elect matter. The way we treat others matters. Taking care of everyone matters. Every time. Every opportunity. It matters. We all matter. Agree or disagree, love or like, same or different... we matter.

2010 : 27 some days i wonder where my brain is

2010-01-27T14:24:00.000-06:00

now I know: The Hidden Brain

I listened to an interview today on KERA 90.1 and the author discussed social biases, brain function and reactions, and how we react to fear - personally and in community. If you have a moment, please listen... and perhaps you'll consider reading it too. I'm adding it to my list.

2010 : 24 running is good & cheese is crazy

2010-01-24T12:08:00.000-06:00

I ran a 5K in McKinney this morning organized by Stonebridge Racers. There were hills and it was cold, yes. But what is worse? The cold wind. Period. In fact, I enjoy running in the cold (or at least: the cool). But the freezing wind out of the north sucks your breath away. I finished in 34 minutes, slowed by having to walk once to struggle out of my sweatshirt because walking into the sun and having the wind at my back made me feel that I could afford to shed the layer & my gloves. Then, the next turn uphill proved me wrong. I fought through it to the end, not wanting to waste more time. Although, I ran it alone. No witnesses other than strangers except for Karen Throckmorton, the mom of another player on Judson's football team. She's a rock star, a natural marathoner. Super sweet lady... running the 10K. I should've run the 10K too. My legs weren't "dead" after 3.2 miles. I was freezing, so I'm good with it for today. Tomorrow, however, I will step it up.

If you're up for it, join me...

mardi gras run in Dallas on 2/13 (5K)

the cowtown in Ft Worth on 2/27 (10K)

leaping leprechauns in McKinney on 3/7 (10K)

big d in Dallas on 4/11 (half marathon)

Oh, and the "cheese is crazy?" David just opened the Tillamook Cheddar Cheese and served me slices of cheese on crackers. It's so good, it's crazy! (and healthy calcium & protein).

2010 : 23 suckaaahhh

2010-01-24T11:49:00.000-06:00

So, all the guys went to Floyd's barbershop for haircuts yesterday. I was with them (David refers to me as "the boss" of the boys' hair). Anyway, Judson has asked for "yellow" hair for nearly a year. He hasn't brought it up in a while, though, so I was caught off guard yesterday when he asked again. He couldn't convince me for "yellow all over," but David and I agreed to let him get highlights.

Judson is thrilled. We're suckers.

2010 : 22 too many things

2010-01-24T11:17:00.000-06:00

what i know for sure, continued...

thing #3
I could live without television. I've been listening to NPR and find that I'm mentally stimulated throughout the day after learning about our world. I'm better informed about current events (internationally, socially, and politicly). I care more about my effect & affect on my family, community & world, and less about which celebrity is breaking up, gaining/losing weight, and the latest fashionistas' opinions on my car, home & wardrobe.

thing #4
I kinda love running. I can't believe it, but I do... especially races. Not so much for the competition, but the encouragement I get from knowing the clock is ticking, people are waiting (even if not specifically for me), and there's fruit or bagels calling my name.

thing #5
I know for sure that I don't know it all. I don't want to know it all.
I know that there's a God and that I love him/her. I know that I have been given one life and that I won't get it right, but that God & my family will love me anyway. I know that I am lucky. Hell yes. Lucky.

2010 : 21 what's that?!

2010-01-24T11:08:00.001-06:00

A date night? What? What's that?

Well, David and I, along with two other couples, saw Eddie Izzard in Dallas on Thursday night. (Between you and me, I'd never heard of Izzard before.) I was pleasantly surprised... once I was able to get in sync with his accent, it was funny!

Dinner at El Fenix rarely disappoints and my taco salad was terrific! The conversation was interesting. We caught up with our friend Andy on the Civil Rights Bus Tour he organized for Confirmation students and sponsors over the MLK Jr holiday weekend. I wish I'd been on that trip - and I hope we can take our boys on a trip like that.

You have to learn about history or you're doomed to repeat it. Rethink everything.

2010 : 20a awesome, literally.

2010-01-20T18:22:00.001-06:00

Okay, I know what you're thinking. "Awesome" is like "literally." It is overused and its meaning is often belittled. Really? Awesome! No, not awesome. Not "awe-inspiring." Perhaps "cool" or "fascinating" might be more appropriate. Think about it.

But this girl, this blogger/photographer/videographer/artist...
she is awesome, literally.

Check out her video. I am awe-inspired, word for word.

2010 : 20 thing one & thing two

2010-01-20T16:41:00.001-06:00

... that I know for sure:

I prefer harmony.

Everyone is a child of God and I should treat them equally with respect & hospitality.

2010 : 19 If you're a doctor, I appreciate you, but...

2010-01-19T12:53:00.007-06:00

post removed on advice from the angel on my shoulder.

*** Get a second opinion. ***

2010 : 18 and another one down

2010-01-18T11:58:00.001-06:00

Another one bites the dust, almost.

I just completed another final exam - 92%! (And I can't believe the two I missed... I'm an idiot.) But, on the positive side, another course is nearly finished. Pedagogy. I made a 100% on the first test, but I am waiting for 3 assignments to be graded and accepted.

Now I can enjoy the day. Judson's at a friend's house until this afternoon. Andy is playing outside. I'm still in my pj's, but need to get dressed for a 1PM workout... and weigh in. ug.

Why does the # on the scale drag my spirit down, through the mud & muck, up and over the barbed wire fence where it snags my motivation and tears apart my will?

2010 : 17 Literally

2010-01-17T18:55:00.000-06:00

David and I laugh when people use phrases incorrectly, literally.

Literally means "word for word; in a strict sense," as defined by thefreedictionary.com. However, people attach this word as an intensive before a figurative expression. While it's accepted, it is still comical. Listen... "I was so scared, I literally crapped in my pants." Say, are you sure friend? Literally? Um, bub bye.

When I say that I literally spent six and a half hours this afternoon completing online job applications, re-formatting resumes and cover letters, re-saving scanned copies of transcripts, re-scanning test results and statements of eligibility... I mean it, literally. I believe applying may be the toughest part of the job (not literally). We're willing to relocate. Now, could someone in HR call me. Please. Then, offer me a job that pays a decent salary.

Thanks.

P.S. Bring relief and peace to Haiti, world peace, education for all, end the wars, re-work healthcare and keep my family healthy & happy & together. Amen.

2010 : 16 missed opportunity

2010-01-17T18:45:00.001-06:00

Dear day 16 of 2010,
You slipped through my hands. You were so busy with a 5K run, another workout, job applications, a basketball game, dinner with my family and sleep. Please forgive me for taking the day off.
Ginny

2010 : 15 What I know for sure

2010-01-15T16:07:00.001-06:00

Aside from the resolutions we all make at the start of a new year, I thought I'd borrow the recurring article title from a popular magazine and set about writing down what I know for sure. I wonder how long it'll take. (That was supposed to be a joke.) Knowing where you are now will help you map out the road to get where you want to go. So, this should be "Part A" of a good resolution list, which then becomes "Part B."

I'll get back with you when I complete my list...

2010 : 14 I've used them all up

2010-01-14T16:51:00.007-06:00

I have no words

They've all gone away.

I sit down to write

But have nothing to say.

How can that be?

My thoughts are so loud.

What can I say?

I can't hear through the crowd.

If it weren't for the cold

I'd go for a run.

I have lots to do

But none of it fun.

I'm a mom, not a maid

Not that it matters.

It's all got to be done

To calm all the chatter.

Again,

No words to describe

What I want to say.

Here's my humble post

Have a fabulous day.

In 2010, are my hands really tied?

2010-01-13T18:35:00.005-06:00

I cannot look away. My heart is aching for the millions of people suffering after yesterday's earthquake in Haiti.

Recent conversations about caring for others in a world where we're constantly told to look up, to look at those who are ahead of you/richer than you/skinnier than you, and we're told to believe they're happier than we can imagine. I beg to differ.

As I read articles online, watch the evening news coverage, and listen to NPR (including an audio clip of Pat Robertson's reasoning of "why" this happened in Haiti - insufferable idiot!)... I feel as if my hands are tied. I keep hearing that all the infrastructure is damaged, that there is little more we can do aside from pray. And, believe me, I believe in the power of prayer. However, I feel the urge to DO more, to BE more, to SERVE more.

There must be a way.

2010 : day 13 if it's not one scary thing, it's another

2010-01-13T10:44:00.006-06:00

Scary thing #1

I bought a new scale yesterday. Our trainer (why don't I just write his name? Chris. His name is Chris, as if saying it aloud makes it less scary.) recommended the Tanita BMI scale as the "official" weigh-in device for our competition. It calculates your weight, BMI, % water, % bone density, daily caloric intake required to maintain the current weight, and your metabolic age (26 as of last night's weigh-in - wahoo!). It's scary to have something so accurate reveal so many statistics. I'd like to live in the dark instead. Oh well, too late.

Scary thing #2

Judson experienced another incident of bleeding. After visiting the doctor this morning, we know there's a small exterior fissure, however we aren't naive enough to think that all the blood is coming from that tear. The past 3 times there wasn't a visible fissure. Plus, the volume of blood tells us to look for something else, something more. So, we're waiting for Judson's medical records to be faxed to the Pediatric GI's office. Once received, they'll call me to schedule his new patient appointment. We expect to schedule a colonoscopy at that appointment. It's a very scary thing for a 7 year old, and he doesn't fully understand. I do. I'm scared too. See? Living in the dark isn't so great. We're looking forward to answers.

2010: day 12 the race is on, baby

2010-01-12T19:25:00.003-06:00

Friendly competition can be a fantastic motivator. Personally, it isn't so much the competition that does it for me. The accountability the competition requires makes me try harder and push further. Between me and you, oh quiet internet, our trainer's goal (right now) is realistic. Ouch! It stings to write it. I need to lose, oh let's round and say 20lbs. I know what to do: how to exercise, what to eat, and how to fill my spare time (without snacking). My goal is set for me, and me alone. The number on the scale is a guide to help me reach my true goal, which is to feel comfortable in my own skin, my clothes and to lead a long, healthy and active life.

Therefore, the race is on, baby!

2010 : 11 no more "Hey there, Momma"

2010-01-11T16:06:00.004-06:00

It's not a slur. It was actually mildly endearing, considering I'm not sure he could remember my real name. (Don't worry, his wife does.) But because I'm the "momma" of two sweet boys who he heard call me "Momma," I guess in his mind that's my name.

If you've been to our home, when it wasn't 32 or below outside - and even sometimes when it was, you may remember our next door neighbor Mr. Boyd. He'd sit on his front porch and watch the neighborhood coming's and going's. He didn't mind telling your kids to behave. He would tell you to trim your tree so he could catch a better view down the street. He loved my zucchini bread and my sugar cookies, especially the ones with frosting and sprinkles. He and his wife would recognize when we'd accidentally left our garage door open. They'd call to remind us to close it. He'd comment on my efforts on yard work and was impressed, I think, that we own a power washer. Mr. Boyd would talk to David about what's on the grill or in the smoker. And, he liked to eat and refused to quit smoking.

Last night, after putting the boys to bed, I left David in the den working. I was reading a couple of magazines trying to make myself tired so I could go to sleep early. David quietly came to the bedroom door and said, "They're here for Boyd."

Outside were assembled 2 ambulances, a fire truck, and 4 sheriff's vehicles. Our neighbor across the street soon joined us on the porch and we watched the paramedics run to the door of their home. Tammy tried to enter, but was turned away by a sheriff after catching a glimpse of him in his recliner. He was transported to the hospital where he was pronounced as passed.

He has family coming to care for his wife. She'll be moving as soon as the house sells, if not sooner, she told me this morning as we chat from our back porches and across our 4 foot fence. Mr. Boyd went the way he wanted: eating what he wanted, smoking and not in the hospital or in a nursing home. He'd endured many surgeries, even as recent as November '09, with another one planned for next week. God called him home. And we'll try to learn from his spunk and care for our neighbors and their kids in the way he would've... with honesty and humor.

My boys and I will miss him for sure. What a character! ("Hey Momma!" ... my neighbor Rachel is "Hey Lady!" so maybe I can call her that now?)

2010 : 10 the quest for the -S-

2010-01-10T16:28:00.008-06:00

I'm on a quest to get comfortable in my own skin, to stop comparing myself to everyone else just to rip myself to shreds. I'm on a quest to feel confident in my opinions so that I don't respond in defensiveness and anger when my truths are questioned. I'm on a quest to have the outside of me reflect the inside of me... and on the quest to make sure the inside of me is something worth looking at.

And, if hard work really pays off, I'm on a quest to wear a size 6 pant and a -S- shirt...

I'm not sayin' - I'm just sayin'.

2010 : day 9 some day we'll wake up (post no. 100)

2010-01-09T13:17:00.005-06:00

"If we try to resolve terrorism with military might and nothing else, then we will be no safer than we were before 9/11. If we truly want a legacy of peace for our children, we need to understand that this is a war that will ultimately be won with books, not with bombs."
— Greg Mortenson (Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Promote Peace . . . One School at a Time)

I feel I'm not qualified to argue any number of topics that lead the evening newscasts. But, a gift from my dear this Christmas has opened my heart. I have previously blogged about reading this book, but at our worship & fellowship community tonight I am supposed to throw out some of my favorite, or most meaningful, segments & statements from Greg Mortenson's book for the group to discuss. I'm so excited to listen to and participate in this talk, however I'm nervous that I won't do it justice. I know I won't.

This world is so vast and I am so small. Greg proved that one person really can move mountains. I need to start by not building more mountains.

One other quote (of a great many) that stands out for me is this:

"You can hand out condoms, drop bombs, build roads, or put in electricity, but until the girls are educated a society won’t change." — Greg Mortenson

We each, individually, have power to change our collective future. We first need to remove our noses from the tabloids, the home decor magazines, the "dr.90210" syndrome that has sucked us in. Love our lives? Yes. Teach our children? Yes! But, stop. WHAT are we teaching them? And how are we living the truths we say we believe?

Mulligan.

2010 : day 8 i kinda love running

2010-01-09T12:52:00.007-06:00

On the 8th day of 2010, I registered for the Big D Texas Half Marathon on Aprill 11, 2010.

I'm super excited, so I must be ill. Participating in races is becoming an addiction. So, training for my second half will be my drug? I think I'm losing my mind. When did I turn this corner? I'm not the "runner" type. I don't love running, but I love the way I feel when I finish.

If you're interested in joining me on my next adventures (races coming up soon), or at least want to snoop around for more information, see the links below. Maybe you'll become addicted to the race too. Then, we might carpool.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

5th Annual Rotary Resolution Run in Addison

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Resolution Run 1K, 5K & 10K in McKinney

Saturday, February 13, 2010

13th annual mardi gras run in Dallas

(for the whole family - with masks & basketballs!)

... with more to come! (Didn't you make a resolution for fitness in 2010?)

2010 : day 7 ice, schmice

2010-01-07T10:35:00.006-06:00

Ice on the roads early

Sunny and cold now

Schools are closed

Kids are home

Sleep late and cuddle

Tickle fight, real fight

Time out

Work out

Clean up

To-Do list

Kids are home

All day.

(The cartoon folks on t.v. are singing, "Nah nah nah nah nah, let's go bananas!" Huh, you're preaching to the choir.)

2010 : day 6 the first day of the rest of my life

2010-01-06T07:31:00.005-06:00

I've been lucky enough to stay home with the boys (aside from jobs working for a church, a preschool, a touch of freelance writing, and now substitute teaching) for the past 8 years. Today I begin my first online course working toward my teaching certificate. I've already passed the content exam for EC-6, so one hurdle is behind me.

Ever since I was a little girl, no really - truly, I wanted to teach. (Honestly, I probably wanted to lead, to be the boss, to make decisions, etc.) Even digging out my college transcripts, I found the original SAT score report where I'd marked possible college majors - 3 out of 4 were in the education field. During college I guess I listened to the "hunt for the dollar" and what I specifically remember hearing is, "Teacher's don't make any money." Nevermind that while, yes technically the world runs on cash - or more specifically, debt (if we're going to be honest) - that should not be our motivation.

One of David's gifts to me at Christmas was the book Three Cups of Tea about Greg Mortenson's journey to find his life's work... building schools, medical facilities and basic infrastructure in remote and forgotten Pakistan. (No, the Peace Corps doesn't have opportunities for couples with dependent children.) But, the greater message to me, the reminder I hope to keep with me, is that we have forgotten children right here in our midst. "You don't want to teach at THAT school, it's dangerous!" Well, then, maybe that's EXACTLY where I should WANT to teach. Today's course is putting me back on track.

Happy New Year.

2010 : day 5

2010-01-05T19:35:00.003-06:00

I have great ideas, but zero memory. While driving, taking a shower or running I'll have a fantastic idea of a topic to write about or something important to tell someone. Of course, no paper and pen handy in the shower or on the trail.

So, I resolve to simplify my life so that I can organize myself and better remember the things that are important. David arrived home safely from a hectic day at work, which followed his trip to support the TCU football team at the Fiesta Bowl in Arizona. My important moment just walked in the door...

2010 : day 4 trash

2010-01-04T10:51:00.007-06:00

Confession: I bought the boys & their friend donuts this morning.

Success: I didn't take a bite.

Monday is trash day in our neighborhood, so last night I cleaned out the pantry. I guess I should back up and make another confession. I went to the grocery store yesterday afternoon, with three boys in tow, and after successfully picking up deli meat, fruit, vegetables and cheese, I was talked into getting two packages of Keebler Deluxe chocolate chip cookies. Death. After a make-your-own-pizza dinner for the boys, we cracked open the first package of cookies. Each boy had 3. I didn't count, but I'm sure I ate more than 3 but less than 13. Death. So, my next move disappointed Andy immensely. I opened the pantry and began to purge. I threw out everything that included white flour, sugar, or white rice/pasta. I threw out chocolate chips, chocolate chip cookies, marshmallows, bags of sugar and flour, old cornstarch, soup with white noodles, etc. The garbage collector came just after 8AM this morning and carried away our old eating habits.

Today, yes, I confess that I bought them donuts. I didn't have a bite. I ate my banana more than an hour after taking my morning medicine. The kids are playing wii, arguing over who should be which character. Little do they know that "lunch" translates to "game on, day 4."

Bring it 2010. I started it, I know.

2010 : day 3

2010-01-03T17:50:00.004-06:00

Today is sad. The extended fam left. It is so fun visiting with Chandra and the kids (missed you Eric and Anna Cate!). The girls spoke at length about current health issues that can be improved with better diet choices. Less sugar!

So, I guess I should mention that I'm struggling with a little weight gain. It's messing with my head, but led to a diagnosis. I choked on potato salad in November and thought I didn't chew well enough. My hands are swollen, the tips of my fingers are peeling. My face is a bit puffy. My weight, up five pounds since summer vacations, has increased another four to five pounds over the fall despite increased exercise. There's no "maybe" about it... I have to restart my food journal and cut down carbs and cut out refined sugar. But, the issues - all together - motivated my doctor to refer me to an endocrinologist. Using ultrasound, her immediate conclusion was Hashimoto's Disease causing hypothyroidism. Apparently my body doesn't like my thyroid and has decided to attack it, causing scar tissue to develop, putting pressure on my esophagus. So, I've gone from zero meds after my hysterectomy last November, to taking two forms of estrogen and Levothyroxin plus a mulitvitamin, fish oil, and calcium at least twice a day.

2010... I'm still claiming you as mine, all mine. It's a journey.

2010 : day 2

2010-01-03T17:45:00.004-06:00

Cousins from Mississippi were in town this weekend for the Cotton Bowl game (go Ole Miss!). Chandra, Mary Beth, Trace, Harrison, David & Judson attended the game. Andy and I went bowling and met them for dinner that evening at Chuy's in Dallas. (Yes, I ate the chips and salsa and queso. Then I ate a fajita chicken salad with cilantro vinegarette dressing and no cheese.)

That morning, while most of the house was still sleeping, Mary Beth and I went to the clubhouse exercise room and ran on the treadmill and lifted weights.

Day 2 of 2010 is a keeper. I love my extended family.

2010 : day 1

2010-01-03T17:39:00.004-06:00

Friday morning I exercised with David, Megan and our trainer Chris. It happened to be a leg workout including sprints on the treadmill, lunges holding two 20lb dumbbells and then stair work. Then, to start the year off right, I ran a New Year's 5 Mile Run in Dallas near White Rock Lake. I finished in 58 minutes, not bad with tired legs.

I completed the 2009 White Rock Half Marathon on Dec. 13 in 2:45:35. I caught the "race bug" and commit to at least 3 half marathons in 2010, with at least one 5K-10K a month too.

2010 is MY year. I called it.

2010

2010-01-03T11:49:00.004-06:00

Dear Internet,

So much information on health and happiness, yet you can't do it for me. I have to get up every day and smile, exercise, eat right, love others, do good, walk humbly, and hug often. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow never comes. It's always today. There's so much to love, there's no room for ugly anger. Count to 10 and start again.

I'm going to post my struggles and my successes. (I'm going to turn off the infomercial in the background.) I'm going to post my progress... which means I am going to admit it to you, internet. Do with it what you will.

Happy New Year,

therapy

2009-12-02T11:11:00.003-06:00

There's therapy that occurs between doctor and patient, massage therapist & individual, between spouses and among friends. There's retail therapy, fresh air therapy and sweat therapy. Today, I'm working on the relationship between girl and house... we're neck 'n neck, it may come down to the wire. I've started sifting through paper and clearing surfaces and cleaning out my closet and putting things in place. Once that is done, then I can begin to clean. I guess cleaning is physically demanding which could be therapeutic, but do the fumes cancel it out? Either way, it has to be done. I'm counting it, twice.

13 huh?

2009-11-24T07:36:00.005-06:00

David and I celebrated 13 years of marital bliss yesterday. No kidding. 13 years.

It has flown by. 1 apartment. 3 houses. 2 kids. 1 dog & 2 guinea pigs (we no longer have any). something like 8 cars (we have only two now). 7 jobs. And landmarks galore.

The numbers don't do us justice. He is sweet, loving, thoughtful, hard working, quiet, tolerant, calm, passionate, strong, dedicated, confident, understanding, supportive, handsome, and more.

I can only strive daily to deserve him. I am thankful for David and for our life together, and I'm looking forward to a lifetime.

what I learned today

2009-11-17T17:38:00.005-06:00

I spent today at school... in a classroom... with 21 third graders. What did we learn? Well, I learned that kids are still mean. Not in the media-hyped, gang-violence-is-ramping-up-in-suburbia kind of way, but mean none the less. It's the mean we all try to forget at reunions: name calling, I'm not your friend today, we-don't-have-to-listen-to-a-sub mentality. Lovely.

Today I learned to be a more understanding mom. I understand what my boys see all day at school and I understand that positive reinforcement works far better than changing colored cards for most kids. I learned that some kids are not going to care what's in the treasure box. I considered that there will be kids who are so conditioned to being blamed (or spoken harshly to) that in most circumstances they will test the boundary because they believe it's their role.

The greatest part of today? Hugging my boys. I want them to see the controlled adult who loves them so much, so unconditionally, so infinitely. I want them to be secure in who they are so that they might be confident in the role they wish to create for themselves. Dream big. Live large. Love more. Hug often. Laugh out loud.

Boys, I love you more than....

everything.

Go Frogs!

2009-11-14T12:25:00.000-06:00

am not!

2009-11-11T19:12:00.002-06:00

Really, I'm not...

I've been reading past blog entries, wondering if I can uncover the reason I haven't been drawn to it lately. I'm trying to decide if there's an underlying issue that becomes crystal clear in my writing, as in "hind sight is 20/20." Well, it seems that I write about negative stuff in an attempt to make it lighter, humorous or to convince myself that I'm right. I'm not.

I'm not negative. At least I don't want to be.

21 days to change a habit, right?

That's the focus for the next 21 days, along with not snacking on massive amounts of sugar every day from 2-4 PM (my "issue" time). :-)

Life is short. Smile. A little sugar is okay, too.

what should i do with the rest of my life?

2009-11-03T19:46:00.003-06:00

I believe I missed two opportunities in my life, at least two. I was organizing some documents and found my original SAT scores. Do you remember back in high school? Well, I didn't. Apparently when I registered for the SAT in my junior year, part of the process asked me to select 4 interest areas (for my selected colleges to note possible majors, I assume). The funny thing is - well, it's a sad thing now - that I didn't even consider those as majors when I actually got to college. Now, 17 years later I have come full circle... back to those interests. Yet, I have responsibilities to balance that make some choices more difficult than they might have been.

First, I took an EC-6 content exam last Saturday as the first step in my working toward my teaching certificate. I'm confident in my ignorance. Now the decision is whether to enroll in an alternative certification program or apply to a masters program.

Then, as I checked my email tonight, deleting most of the subscription-type receipts, I came upon one article about "24 companies hiring now." As I scrolled down the list, one caught my eye. It is an online news/editorial company searching for writers on a variety of topics. On a whim, I completed the application. I gave my specifics, admitted that I have no credentials however I have a passion for words and for exploring relationships, and even wrote a sample article based on something that happened today.

Who knows how all this will turn out? I love to write. I enjoy & feel called to teach. I have a loving and supportive system and the future is bright. Perhaps 17 years was the break I needed to get my head around the choices I need to make for me. Maybe?

one person's trash

2009-09-29T16:11:00.006-05:00

I think I've blogged about this before: the treasures I find on the street while I walk (or run) through our neighborhood. Yesterday I cleaned the desk off and threw away maybe 20 nails & screws. I saved the pennies and one dime. For luck, you know? Then, in the afternoon I went on another run and found more loot: two pennies, two nails, two screws, one metal spring and a little nut.

Isn't that just perfect? For me, at least. Daily, I feel a little "off," like a spring is missing or has lost its springiness. The rusty nails could represent how old I feel lately. The screws... well, this one's easy. I open my mouth and the words that come out occasionally back me into a corner and I spend the next week "rain manning" about it (rocking back and forth saying, "uh oh, uh oh"). Finally, the little nut? Self explanatory.

While all of that seems that I'm down on myself, I'm pleased that perhaps a few of my neighbors avoided flat tires because I picked up these items. That I was able to turn it into a blog... it's your lucky day. Thank the pennies.

tell me a little about yourself.

2009-09-27T12:24:00.003-05:00

I am [a]...

caring.

honest.

responsible.

accountable.

organized.

loving.

intelligent.

list maker.

crosser offer...

and sometimes, I am a giver upper.

I haven't blogged in a while which results in too many words rolling around in my head to write much of anything now. I am inspired by so many people doing so many fabulous things. I find myself pulled in different directions: duty or desire; patience or passion. "Why not both?" Well, that is easier said than done.

Baby steps, I guess. Baby steps... and knots, lots and lots of knots.

crossing stuff off

2009-07-11T13:49:00.002-05:00

Andy pulled his tooth. I promised him $5 on top of whatever the tooth fairy brings if he'd pull it today. In my defense, the orthodontist & the dentist were concerned about spacing, decay & overall health. Andy was too upset at their office visit for them to have the opportunity to pull it. In the end, all it took was $5+. Hmmm.

Small group & Sunday school - both searching for substance, meaning, inspiration & relevance. At 11 PM, in the middle of a game of Nerts, three friends were tired yet pulled together enough to brainstorm new opportunities. In the light of the day, I think we're brilliant. Now, matching content to those ideas.... I'm making a new "to do" list.

In preparing for a neighborhood garage sale this weekend, we spend this week cleaning out and cleaning up. We've made a great progress, sold electronics via craigslist, giving some to family, donating clothes and toys (that I've graciously purchased from the boys to avoid sitting out in the heat), etc. The house is comfortable and clean. We are safe & secure, healthy & happy.

Good is good, all the time. All the time...

Awesomeness. Is that a word?

2009-06-21T21:32:00.011-05:00

Gulf Shores, AL, June 2009 - Awesomeness!

Perdido Bay

Boys playing cards Anna Cate @ LuLu's

Ginny & Chandra Judson, Harrison, Anna Cate, Andy

Shrimp boat @ sunset Andy & Judson

Andy & Judson (not happy) Andy & Harrison

Judson ready to rock 'n roll! Andy, Ginny & Judson

Anna Cate, Chandra, Harrison

Anna & Trace

Ginny, Judson & Andy

how much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if...

2009-06-10T08:59:00.008-05:00

That is almost as annoying as hearing the boys repeat, "I'm bored. It's too hot to play outside. Is there anything FUN to do?"

aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

No, you can't play video games every day.

It's not too hot! If you think this is hot, just want until August.

Yes, we're going to the beach! And, you're going to like it! (and I'm quoting there)

Yes we'll go to the pool & maybe I'll get in.

No you can't have ice cream or popsicles for breakfast.

Of course we're still going to church. Yes! Even "big" church.

Okay, I'm not really mad. I remember asking all the same questions. It's part of growing up - like a rite of passage. I try really hard to mix it up. Judson's in basketball camp this week. We swim, a lot! We're active in many small groups & there are always lots of kids around. Andy's church camp & VBS are scheduled.

But, regarding the rite of passage, this isn't only for our youth. What can David and I do now that we'll be able to look back on and be proud of ? Did we speak up against injustice, or just go with the flow? Did we sell the unnecessary, save all we can & give all we can? Did we spend time appropriately - with those we love - friends & family? Did we learn from our mistakes?

Let us be mindful of not wasting time, because even though we're all grown up we can still do better.

however...

2009-05-31T21:01:00.003-05:00

I'm not a quitter, however sometimes the path you thought was right turns out to be wrong. I believe that there's a time and place for everything. I believe in accidents. I believe in God's grace and unconditional love. I believe that the call I feel cannot be reformatted to fit in the box I tried to push it into. I have to make the uncomfortable decision to turn and walk away from one thing to do something different. It's okay. It's the right thing. It's still difficult.

I cried at church this morning, twice. I hate that I cry when I'm mad. But, I love that I'm passionate about what I feel... so much so that I am even a little scared about where that passion leads, or even what exactly it is calling me to do. I cannot ignore that one piece needs correcting. My need to please everyone has evaporated in the wake of this unfolding of events and I've been able to speak my conscience with peace in my heart. Change was coming. It's here. What is next? I'm not entirely sure, but I can see & feel the hand of God at work in a powerful way. That is an awesome thing!

i'm not a quitter

2009-05-30T15:41:00.003-05:00

I got the boys out of the pool to rush home to get Jud ready for a 2 PM baseball game to get there and find out that it doesn't really start until 4 PM. We skipped the game last night for pizza and plagues. We're skipping the 6 PM game today for Jesus. And now, we're skipping the 4 PM game because I can't organize. But, I'm not a quitter.

I'm frustrated with capital C - Church. It's my personality to be a worker bee. I'm a "To Do List" maker and a crosser off-er. Let's set a goal, break it down and get to work. Let's organize, synthesize, collaborate & negotiate. Let's not focus on budgets and buildings and "us" versus "them." We all share in God's love and grace equally. I'm frustrated with the establishment and those who've become numb working inside it. But, I'm not a quitter.

My mind is swimming. I want to be so many places at once. But, I can't. I'm only one person. But, if I'm one and you're one and David's one and Megan's one and Andy's one and Joe's one and Sarah's one and Hilary's one and Jody's one and on and on... we are called to do great things. We can't be quitters.

why 48?

2009-05-25T10:55:00.009-05:00

David's reading this book: "48 Days to the Work You Love" by Dan Miller. It's to help the reader find his/her purpose. Here's what the author writes, as posted on his website.

In this 48 Days To The Work You Love book , you will learn how to:

Discover your God-given and perhaps buried talents
Take those talents and create a clear focus
Embrace the “gift” of meaningful work
Experience the absolute release that comes from finding your passion
Understand the differences between “vocation,” “career,” and “job”
Learn from the shared life stories of those already living the 48 Days principles
Go through defeat and “failure” and come back twice as strong
Find job possibilities that never appear in the newspaper or online
Make $1,000 a minute by negotiating your offer
Turn your own ideas into extraordinary income
Decide whether you want a “traditional job” or one of the new work models
Recognize the only kind of “education” that has value
Build up your assets , even while unemployed
Find your IDEAL WORK – and LOVE it!

Prepare to have your world rocked when I uncover and lay out what is wrong with “work” in today’s world. What has changed and why people are sacrificing their spiritual and physical health to daily jobs that have no meaning in their lives. And…the path to a true, meaningful, fulfilling and life-rewarding “Vocation.”

I've encouraged David to think outside the box. That is so cliche. But, with regards to this book and Dan Miller's idea, what's magical about 48 days? I'm sure there's a process. I'd bet there's a point where the reader must accept responsibility and transition from brainstorming to action. I hope the author also addresses how to manage personal finances in preparation for hiccups in the hop, skip & jump between career paths.

What about reality versus stepping out in faith? When David and I talk about change, opportunity, calling's... inevitably "reality" gets in the way. How do you balance personal fulfillment with the idea that your kids environment should be some ideal balance of safety, exemplary schools, rising property values, etc.? I get stuck in those conversations with David and we inevitably change the subject, and thus the brainstorming of possible futures crashes as well.

I firmly believe that life is what we make it. We've recently (over the past 18 months) taken huge steps in our personal lives and in our faith. I believe we are on the cusp of a great new thing. What that "thing" is has yet to be discovered. But, I have faith in knowing that we can do great things through Christ. We have to believe in Him and in each other. Anything is possible.

twist 'n shout

2009-05-21T06:50:00.004-05:00

Those who know me well will tell you that I like to be liked. I'm a people pleaser. It doesn't matter if I like you/them - whatever - but I like to be liked. That is all fine and good until something happens to make me take a stand. I firmly believe that God has a hand in timing. I'm where I'm supposed to be at a certain time or place. I'm supposed to learn something, teach something, stand for something, do something... to further the transformation of the world. Oh, please understand that I fully recognize that I'm not qualified. I don't like to speak in front of crowds. I'm not politically correct.

But, I am other things. I am organized. I am caring. I express myself boldly when I'm passionate about something. I like to hear laughter. I love kids. I enjoy fellowship and being in the company of others. I'm a worker bee, with an occasional good original idea.

Right now, I'm tired of other peoples' lack of organization and oomph. I'm embarrassed by the perceived laziness of a trusted hierarchy who seems afraid to think outside the box, or much less to STEP outside the box. I have a picture in my head (as conceived by a fellowship of understanding) and that's my goal. In words, it's a goal shared by many. In actions, it's only shared by a handful. What does worship look like? What does church mean to you? What do the Gospels teach us about how Jesus behaved - and how might he reach out today? Where would he be on Sunday mornings?

Shake it up, baby, now... shake it up baby. Twist & shout!

Let's rock 'n roll.

why not?

2009-05-17T22:00:00.007-05:00

For the longest time I would always go for the safe bet, the sure thing. If someone had a good idea, I'd be hooked, line & sinker. I could be swayed by rational arguments. I wouldn't be a good debater (still not). Facts go into my head and once used (right away), fly out again. I can remember that the fact was around, that I used it, that I noted that I wanted to remember it... but no.

Why does being a grown up mean that we can't make radical choices in a responsible way? To remove all the "keeping up with the Jones's" issues makes you (1) admit that you were doing that in the first place, and (2) face your own fears. The risk in NOT facing those fears now is that in 10, 20 or 40 years you'll have to face them - and by then it may be too late to do anything about it. Now, we have the power. Money is not the answer. Numbers are not the answer. Houses, cars, clothes, jewelry, "stuff-itis" - all these are not the answers.

Family. Love. Faith. Grace. Peace.

If these are the philosophies we believe in, we can't go wrong.

Big buildings. Stewardship campaigns. And then only 10-12% of total church budget going to local church ministry areas - the VERY activities that aim to live out Christ's message of grace and unconditional love. No wonder Christians and "church" have an image problem. I'll admit I have a problem with it too. However, I'm also willing to admit that those "who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." Therefore, changes are coming.... Then, get ready.

Because God so loved the world...

... and life is too short not to be bold.

there once was a baby named Jud

2009-05-16T14:24:00.008-05:00

Now he's only 6 1/2 yrs old, but the reality of that is still miles away from the baby he seems to be in my head. Both boys are my babies, but Jud will always be "the baby." We asked Andy to grow up faster once Jud was born, not on purpose but out of necessity in obvious ways. Jud is grown up too, but I can't believe he's old enough to be in school. Real school. Elementary school. He's about out of letter grades (pre K and K) and into real letter grades (A's, B's, C's... we'll stop there).

Jud has always been a "ball boy." In the photo, he's about 8 months old. I believe his first word was "mama" but it was probably, more accurately, "dah" (which meant ball). I can still hear him saying "Dah! Dah!" He wanted to play football from the beginning. I'm always aware of the risks. So, I pushed his repeated requests to the back of my mind saying "you can play football in junior high." Well, as he got older, we couldn't hide the opportunities to play football. At 6 years old, he's already played 3 seasons of soccer, 3 seasons of baseball, 1 of basketball, and loves to swim. So, today, I took him to register for flag football. He was an angel as we waited in line for nearly 3 hours. He focused and listened to the coaches and volunteers as they guided him through a skills assessment (a timed 40y run, standing jump, shuttle runs, stretches, etc.). I was impressed... at the volunteer organization and at Jud's attention and enthusiasm.

On our way to the registration site this morning, Jud heard me on the phone with a friend. I mentioned how I was going ahead with it since he'd wanted to play since he was 2 yrs. When I hung up Jud said to me, "Momma, it's because I was born to play football."

I guess so. He's my baby and I'll be there supporting him every step of the way.

snickers salad

2009-05-15T16:51:00.003-05:00

In one word... Mmmmm!

chopped Snickers candy bar

chopped green apple

whipping cream, whipped with vanilla added

heaven... I mean, a "treat" worth being bad for, except it's a salad.

forgive me for I have sinned.

2009-05-14T17:43:00.006-05:00

I like to see the daily posts on another blog, this is why you're fat. However, I don't eat stuff like that anymore, even though some if it looks good. And, I hate to admit, I've eaten some of the items they've featured. No wonder I had what is rightfully called "a little bit of a weight problem." :-)

I still struggle with food. I'm an emotional eater and today I could've eaten my way through either a tray of gooey butter cake squares or a bowl of snickers salad. Go ahead, you pick. I would've gone for either. And even though we don't have confessionals in our church, I'm compelled to "come clean" with everyone I talk to. "Oh my gosh, I can't believe I just ate __!" It annoys me, so I'm sure it does others too. I'm sorry.

I also have issues with apologies. I'm sorry for saying I'm sorry too much. I'm sorry for that apology. See? It's a vicious cycle. But, honest sorry's involve true repentance... Sorry means I regret it and it won't happen again. That I've learned from my mistake, from my past or from my present.

So, I'm sorry for the gooey butter cake. I felt guilty while I was baking it, cutting it into squares and eating it. It won't happen again. I'm sorry for the snickers salad, even though the cubed apples offered some salvation. And, I'm sorry for the choc. chip cookie. There's no excuse for that one. It was offered to me in an "you're already on 'the bus' anyway" way, and I succumbed to the awesome-ness of butter and chocolate. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry.

This is why you're fat. No, wait. That is why I was fat. It is now why I exercise.

And, I'm repenting. Staaaaartiiiiing..... now.

my mess

2009-05-14T17:09:00.003-05:00

Why am I so tired, yet my "To Do" list is getting longer? It looks like I subconsciously think I'll be less tired later. Yeah, right.

Andy has tack practice. It's hot and David is taking Judson to Andy's 2 hour practice (I can already hear the whining). I have a PTA meeting tonight. I need to clean house. David's leaving town in the morning. I'm working tomorrow at the boys' school. Then, all too quickly, time flies by. The laundry needs to be ironed. The floor needs to be mopped. The bathrooms need to be touched up. Piles of papers need to be sorted and filed. A girl needs to sleep and then get up early to exercise. (Because that girl ate 3 small squares of gooey butter cake, 1/2 C of snickers salad, and 1/4 of a large homemade chocolate chip cookie.... that was to die for - which is good because I just might d-i-e as I work off those calories. Ha!)

I need to vent. Screaming sounds good... but that requires energy that I need to reserve for all the mess listed above. So, urgh.

it's not rocket science

2009-05-11T21:52:00.003-05:00

Really. Do I need to keep repeating myself?

Don't tattle. Put your toys up. Stop arguing. Finish your homework (or chores or dinner or bath or ...). Put away your clean clothes. Bring your dirty laundry to the hamper. Pee in the toilet (and not the floor) - yes, I have to repeat this. Yes, they are 10 & 6.

I'm right, I think. Rocket science is more technical than high school physics. And, to me, this stuff is simple & obvious & repetitive. Over the years I thought these things would become habits. I don't know how many times I can say, "I'm your mom, not your maid!"

Am I missing something?

just do it √

2009-05-09T21:36:00.002-05:00

Do ever have an idea that you think is a great idea, but don't know how to move forward? It may be something you saw somewhere else and you want to duplicate it and yet add your signature to it, make it your own. Are you inspired by your own surroundings and you wish others could experience some degree of the magic?

I believe we have become so accustomed to assuming that it can't be done - that someone will say no, that there isn't a budget for "that," that it's too much for one person - that we ignore even the smallest opportunities to do great things.

Witnessing the greatness of one person's enthusiasm, one person's faith, one person's commitment to try the next new thing is all we need to summon the courage to try it for ourselves. What held us back thus far should be discarded. We are here now. We have a responsibility to take what we know to be good & true and share it with others.

It has been said that every journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. I guess I never stopped to think that the person taking the single step was probably nervous too, yet inspired by something or someone thinking & living & working outside the box.

Step one... just do it.

i wanna be...

2009-05-08T22:00:00.003-05:00

I want to be smaller.

I want to be smarter.

I want to be wittier.

I want to be lovelier.

I want to have cute short hair.

I want to have beautiful shoulder length hair.

I want to have her dress.

I want to have her (a different her) shoes.

I want to have that handbag.

I want to have those tickets.

I want to shop there.

I want.... I want.... I want....

Now, sit down and shut it. I have life. I have love. I have happiness. I have family. I have friends. I have meaning. I have worth. I have fun. I have purpose. I have goals. I have something to give...

I wanna be you, but I'm me. That has to be enough.

i couldn't do it

2009-05-07T09:00:00.005-05:00

David makes a great point, and I can see how it may work. But, I couldn't do it.

I asked David if he read my post from last night, he said yes. This same individual requested his friendship too, and David has already accepted. However, he admitted to me that his goal is now to post such random, obscure and occasionally offensive material/links/video that this new "friend" will actually UN-FRIEND him. C'mon, you've seen some of the junk David posts... heck, I've almost facebook-divorced him, LOL! His plan just might work. I'd never pull it off. For one thing, I wouldn't be able to find all that stuff. Second, I don't want to search for that stuff.

He's genius. That's why I married him. (or maybe that's why he married me?) Either way, fb friends of David... you have been warned.

+1 friend request

2009-05-06T20:46:00.010-05:00

Um, can I say no thank you? Is that impolite? Would he even know? He really doesn't want to be my friend... that part is clear in person. So, then, why would he bother requesting to be my friend online? Is it a parallel universe where everyone gets along? We can ignore those we'd like to ignore in real life? Are we all really so shallow that we accept cyberspace friendships just for the number? Have we actually sunk this low?

I guess it has more to do with each individual's reasoning for being active in the online social networking scene in the first place. Personally, I really want to connect with friends, old & new. To keep up with the nuances of my friends' lives that are funny or interesting (or not), yet aren't really "phone worthy." You know what I mean?! I'm not going to pick up the phone to call 150+ people about my need to relax in this moment... much less will I call my 2-3 closest friends with that information either. However, a good friend of mine - who, by the way, I'd lost touch with over the last 2 years until our facebook reunion - tried to litter today. It didn't work out for her. The gum stuck to her finger (and then to her steering wheel, hair, etc), but her wedding ring DID fly off her hand and into the street somewhere. Can you imagine? I'd panic... my heart was racing just reading through the 11 comments following her post to find out how the story ended. It was fine. She had help from bystanders. She has her ring. She needs advice on removing gum from a leather steering wheel (I'll pass along any comments you may have). Perfect case in point... that's an interesting story to share. And, thanks to online friendships, her friends and family are up to date without poor DD having to call each and every one.

But, what does all this do for real relationships?

I want face time. I want real time. Granted, I took an online, social-networking site quiz the other day and I'm all about "words." Duh. Welcome to my world. Really, though, I was prepared for a tie between "words" and "time." I want both. Is this a theme? I want it all.

So, should I accept this questionable, strangely-motivated friend request? I still don't know.

stop it!

2009-05-05T14:52:00.001-05:00

I'm stressed & I'm eating. I "heart" peanut butter.

where are my guts?

2009-05-05T10:29:00.003-05:00

I'm head-strong. It's something I really like about myself, most of the time. But recently I find myself shying away from posting, from conversation, from confrontation... even kind-hearted, in-the-most-loving-Christian-way-possible confrontation. Where are my guts? Am I hollowing out?

Some people use humor to shield themselves from connections, or from admitting something more is going on. Maybe I use boldness in the same way. Screw it... someone's got to say it. What's the point in all the talk if no one's going to say what we're all trying to say? Just say it. That person is often me.

Somehow I feel I'm losing my edge. Does taking a leadership position on a committee change who I am? Nope, but it makes me more aware of how I address the issues I see. In fact, it's making me address them... and in that, I'm having to be politically correct. I'm not a fan, necessarily. I feel I'm holding back when I should be shouting. I feel I know too much and it's tainting my view of some leaders... yet it's enlightening my view of other leaders.

I have a meeting tonight. I'm praying for grace, strength, courage and peace.... and guts.

celebrate good times, c'mon!

2009-05-02T09:20:00.004-05:00

Hey now, you're a rock star... It's your birthday! Hey!!!

It's official... 34.

Quoting my wise, 92 year old grandmother, "Anything not getting older is already dead."

So, I'm good with birthdays.

check.... and check. Now CELEBRATE!

changing the cd

2009-04-30T14:17:00.005-05:00

Okay, there's a recurring theme to my posts and I don't like the music. "Dude!" I'm old enough to know better, so I'm going to do better.

I'm changing the disc. Rock on!

i'm a nerd

2009-04-30T08:07:00.002-05:00

I always knew I wasn't in the popular circle. It never really bothered me. I had lots of friends from different circles, but never had a circle of my own. I think that's more of a reflection on me than them. Perhaps I have commitment issues. Maybe I don't like everything about one group or another, so I just float back and forth between them participating in the pieces I like while ignoring the bits I don't.

I still kind-of feel like that. I focus on silly things when I should consider the big picture. While I've grown up some, I feel like a kid inside. We want to be happy, connected, respected, appreciated and loved. It's okay to be a nerd, if in that nerd-ness you recognize these same needs in others and react appropriately. Be a friend to keep a friend. We are blessed to be a blessing. Share the wealth. Feel the love.

See, I told you.... nerd.

my code name is lilo

2009-04-29T07:24:00.003-05:00

Is Lindsey too thin? Is this a cry for attention?

Really... she may be too thin, I don't know. It may be a cry for attention, I don't know.

When will someone ask that about the rest of us? "Oh honey, you're too thin... have an ooey-gooey butter cake or an ultimate cheeseburger with fries" It's only enough calories to sustain the cast of Survivor for a week. No harm, no foul.

Ug! Celebrity. Sick.

No wonder women have body image issues... we can never "get it right." There's always another 5 lbs to lose, another size smaller to buy, or some other food we shouldn't eat. No wonder I'm exhausted... too many rules and too many people to please.

This is for ME now... not you.

what if?

2009-04-27T11:55:00.005-05:00

WHAT IF church wasn’t just about Sunday? What if church wasn’t just a place we go, but something we do?

WHAT IF we brought similar moments to our ministries with the poor, or other global health issues, or our new faith communities? WHAT IF these moments became a movement to look at all the ways The United Methodist Church opens doors and changes lives? And, WHAT IF we invited the world to join us?

What are you "rethinking"?

Conversations, the beginning of real transformation, are happening everywhere:

• among others here and www.10thousanddoors.org

Post inspired by & adapted from Susan Crawford's facebook group page for "rethink church"

self control

2009-04-26T20:31:00.002-05:00

I need some. Where is it?

I have it within me. I'm to blame and I'm the only one who can fix it.

mulligan

game on, starting.......... NOW

moolah for minutes

2009-04-26T17:59:00.004-05:00

I need moolah to pay my mobile phone bill. Would you believe it's $261??? So, most of it is from talking to family & friends who have mobile accounts with a different company. I busted through the 450 included minutes and racked up $115 billable voice time. Then, I texted my way up to 884 messages, 384 messages more than my plan allows. Oops. Those overages added to my regular bill gets to the total due. I scanned through the bill online... all valid. cccrrrrrraaaaapppp.

So, good 'ole Dave is planning to call the company tomorrow. It's all in his name and he'll be more diplomatic than me, with the goal of upgrading to get them to retro the upgrade to cover my indulgences. But, if you have extra moolah lying around, go ahead and send it to me. Mark it "mobile phone bill" for your donation to get to the right department and applied in a timely manner.

Wow... we're in the wrong business.

sunburns and crabby patties

2009-04-25T21:36:00.003-05:00

Today was a great day! I slept late and had a leisurely morning. I made cinnamon rolls, everyone got dressed and we went to Judson's soccer game. He had a great shot on goal, is a really talented goalie and clearly enjoys playing the game... and they won! It was the last soccer game of the season. This evening the league celebrated with bounce houses, food & trophies! Good times. Between soccer game and soccer trophies, Judson had his first baseball game of this season. He had two hits and two runs. Super cool! He was thrilled and again... they won!

It was a little cloudy today and very windy. I wore a tank top and jean capri pants. I was going for comfort. I should've been prepared with sun protection. My neck and arms were pink this afternoon and are red now. They don't really hurt... that's probably tomorrow.

Throughout the morning and early afternoon, we were blissfully unaware of where we should've been. We committed to prepare communion at church this month - anytime between 9am and noon. OOPS! Thank goodness David set a reminder on his phone. Too bad his phone was off until 1:30pm. Since we had a busy afternoon schedule (and negotiated to be at church by 5:30pm to play catch up), we ate lunch at a new restaurant in Aubrey/Krugerville. It was good. We're always frustrated (and I'm a little surprised) at restaurant prices. We got out of there for $45... for 2 burgers, chicken strips & a steak sandwich... at lunch.

Luckily, the boys behaved all day. Jud's team won both games. We spent the day as a family. Communion is ready to be served at FUMC Denton tomorrow (and our name is NOT mud, at least for now). The yard is mowed. The guinea pigs are in a clean cage and have been fed. The boys are bathed and in bed. I'm looking for pleasure in the simple things. And, I found it.

do i have to pick?

2009-04-22T15:58:00.002-05:00

my nose? no (eeewwwww)

my friends? sometimes (love y'all)

my friend's nose? (just kidding)

Really though...

The 20lb kettle bell? no

the 25lb? no

the 30? yes! Bring it!!

Both boys are in activities that are healthy & positive. Do we have to pick? Andy's track or Judson's tball? What about next spring? Judson's soccer or tball or track? It looks like we'll face tough decisions next year.

We want to eat/pay bills and play. These choices aren't difficult, or are they? We have life insurance policies, disability policies, car payments, house payment, lights, water, etc. All "must haves." But what's life with the living? Tough choices. We can't do it all... even though we want to.

Brains & beauty. I want it all... but reality hits me every morning. Hair is sticking up all crazy. There's no such thing as a "no make-up day." I think to myself, beauty is fleeting anyway so let's focus on the brains-part. Well, I'm challenged there also. I'm busy and involved, and love every minute of it. I want to write more. I want to volunteer more. I want to exercise more, to fellowship more, to connect more, to play more... more, more, more. Stop. Sigh. Regroup. Breathe. Relax. Massage? Pedicure? Anyone relate? I guess we have to pick here too. I hope it just "looks" like some people have it all together. Brains & beauty. I wish.

What do I know for sure? God is love. He loves me. I love David and the boys. I love my friends. I love my life. I strive to be gracious, patient and non-judgmental. It's all a journey, right? Some choices are tougher than others, but it's the little things in the big picture that matter. And, aren't we all "doin' it for Dave" anyway?

whasssssup

2009-04-22T12:05:00.004-05:00

I've stared at the computer screen, at the keyboard, at piles of paperwork/bills/receipts... there's probably so much to write about on any given day that I can't focus on one thing long enough to organize a thought. Well, that's not true... I have lots of thoughts, but not always coherent ones.

I've been entertained this week by other blogs & web links. I have funny & witty friends, but I have linked to other sites through them. You should check out a couple, too. You might just LOL. You could keep the laughter to yourself also, but it isn't as fun.

http://kendilea.blogspot.com/

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

So, I just took nearly half an hour looking for other funny links to include... there are so many. One link leads to another. So, today is Earth Day... and I think the earth needs more laughter & less crying. I guess it's a start.

monday in the park

2009-04-20T13:14:00.004-05:00

It's no "Saturday, in the park..." but it was WAY fun!

I've been so busy lately: rushing to get out of bed; hurrying to exercise; urging the boys to get up/get dressed/eat; running from soccer practice to choir to baseball practice to chess to track club; managing church meetings/David's commitments; making time for girls night and fellowship time. I'm exhausted.

But today is Monday. It's the start of a new work week. I'm inspired! I had a great weekend (a little too great to have a great scale day today, but who's counting - besides Chris?). Today, I'm playing with a friend's children. They sat quietly and watched a movie while Megan and I burned over 500 calories. Phew. The kids were amazing - better than any of our kids have ever been during a workout! So, I treated them to lunch at the park. Too fun!!! We ate and played for more than 90 minutes. Granted, I wanted them to have fun and to be tired for nap time, but it did more for me than for them, I think. They laughed and ran and played with other kids. I tickled their legs as they pretended to try to kick me while I pushed them on the swings. It is a beautiful day! Just enough wind to keep you cool, yet bright and sunny and warm. Perfection. Now, where's the blue bell truck? (Just kiddin' Chris.)

It was great to step away from the computer. It's healthy to change the routine - to jump start a chain reaction. Oh to be 3 or 5 again... without a care in the world... to love cherry tic tacs... to think that dot-to-dot puzzles & princess stickers make everything happy... to look at the tallest ladder on the playground and go for it (with a little help)... "I can do it, I'm almost there. I did it!"

squashed on the highway of life

2009-04-17T15:17:00.005-05:00

I want it all. I want it all. And I want it now. Isn't that from a car commercial? So many things in my head are only still there because they're attached to a song. Music is playing in the background of everything in my life, audibly or not.

Anyway, the weather, more accurately the darn wind & rain, has forced us to abandon our camping plans for tonight. The adults in the group are bummed. It was going to be great fun! Good food, games and conversation. But now that school is finished, I've had to break the news to the boys and it isn't good. What about camping in the backyard? Still rain. What about on the back porch... a possibility. What about our friends? I have no answer for that, so the world continues to crumble. You can imagine.

We've invited the friends who'd planned to attend the camp-out to come over for grilled hot dogs, chips & sides, games, great conversation and s'mores. Some are able to come. Some are not. We're all upset at the change of plans, but we're trying to make the best of it. But I can definitely identify with Andy & Judson - I want it all & I want it now. I want the camp fire, the charred marshmallows in my s'mores... so hot and mushy that it melts the chocolate instantly... dripping all over the place as I struggle to eat it fast enough. Hmmm... we're all kids inside, I guess. We plan and work around as much as possible to make it happen, and sometimes it just doesn't work. I'm reminded of a quote David has on his facebook page, "We're innocent critters squashed on the highway of life." Today, I can see and feel it, and there's nothing I can do to fix it. Can you hear the rain as music in the background?

can't touch that

2009-04-16T17:33:00.003-05:00

We're going camping tomorrow, and most likely in the rain. I have been fretting about it for a week mainly because of the weather forecast. Luckily, the original crew who said they were in are still in. Families. Singles. All friends! I've purchased groceries & goodies. I bought the s'mores and Meg is bringing all the fixin's for "banana boats" (the description of which inspired this very camping trip 2-3 months ago). I can't wait to try it... and to then calculate how many pulls, swings or miles I'll need to finish to work it off. It'll be worth every bite, I'm sure.

But, back to the rain. We have a kids tent already. I just purchased a regular tent to sleep 4 people. See, we're card-carrying hotel-ers here. Camping? "Those people" are brave. I bet "those people" have fun. Well, here we are... becoming "them." I am super pumped about it! The kids are excited. David? He isn't excited about this: tents & rain.

I'm preparing the "talk" that explains to the boys how the tent is waterproof until they touch it. Every place they touch will drip. Pray for us. It may rain "indoors" this trip. Thank goodness Jody is bringing a camper (like, a real one).

more than just a J-O-B

2009-04-15T20:43:00.003-05:00

Y-M-C-A... sorry, that's what the title of my post reminded of, the YMCA song. Now that you're singing it in your head too, I'll move on. You're welcome.

There are a few people I know who are lucky enough to have found a job that matches their talents with their interests. I've alway heard "them" say, "Do something you love and it'll never feel like work." Well, that's all fine and good, but what about the bills? Love isn't going to pay the mortgage. Well... no...

You can tell that a fortunate few have found the niche, the ultimate balance. Some teachers are completely at home in the classroom. Their kids shine. Look around. Anyone in any walk of life might be in complete harmony: building a skyscraper, managing finance, landscaping yards or a golf course, teaching, writing, preaching, speaking, etc.

Problems arise when we (parents, community, friends, etc.) squelch - there's no other word for it - the spirit in those around us to force them into the box they "should" be in. Back when I was in high school, the climate was right for everyone entering college to study computer science or business. Nevermind that you have a creative side that you've never explored because "they don't make enough money," referring to starving artists/writers I assume. I don't know. Back then I wanted to be successful. I mean, who doesn't? When computer science as my major at A&M didn't look promising after one semester (it wasn't pretty), I moved home and refocused on a business degree. I aimed high again - finance. When it became clear that I wouldn't pass international finance on the third try, I just wanted to get a degree... any degree. I was closest to a management degree, so guess what I have. The funny thing about it is that I relate management to organization and I am an organizer. But it isn't my only passion.

I really like to write. As you review previous blog entries, I'm sure it's clear that I have no real direction. Things inspire me. People inspire me. And, then again, I could write about nothing at all. Right now, today, I know people who are searching for their passions. They want to build a life and work is a huge part of it. It affects mood, family time, schedules, health... inside and out. I know people who get over the j-o-b part of every day because they have the utmost respect and loyalty to their boss/owner/friend. I see people struggling to make ends meet, keeping a positive outlook on life, feeling blessed and blessing others - all because the work they do has meaning. They may never be on the Forbes' wealthiest people list, but that isn't the goal.

Peace. Love. Family. Friends. Faith. Health.

These are worthy goals to measure success. They are more than any job.

where do i rent sheep?

2009-04-14T08:10:00.005-05:00

I don't even know where to start. It's probably because I'm so tired. Why am I tired? It's probably because I usually get 8-9 hours of sleep every night and last night I only got 4 1/2 hours. Why did I get so little sleep? It's probably because the negative self-talk, that I usually translate into motivation, multiplied exponentially and I couldn't rationalize my way out of it. Why...? Well, first, I want to do too much. It really isn't too much, but I need to figure out the organization on my end to develop a way to attack and accomplish my goals & projects. Second, I actually lost my brain for a moment and told my 10 year old that he was dumb yesterday. Yes, really. Unfortunately I have witnesses. How do ya like them family processes? Lovely. I immediately went on to revise and edit my comments... to explain that he's old enough to know that if he takes 4 toys into a friend's house, he should keep up with them... that I love him but sometimes he (we all) makes dumb choices. Case in point. But, it didn't matter. My first words cut his spirit and I can't fix that with more words. On the way to dinner with those friends, in the van I apologized to him again and told him that he's really smart and that I love him. In vain... I've experienced crap like this and I swore I'd never...

Well, that's where it started for me yesterday evening. Then, Jud cried because I asked him to [you fill in the blank]. To put up his toys. To get ready for his bath because it's already past his bedtime. To hurry up because I missed two exercise classes and I want to go get on the the treadmill, and it's already past my bedtime. And more. Then, Andy washed his hair with body soap. No deal and do over. Plans up in the air for everything from women's fellowship to camping (damn rain). Yelled at David because he was there (poor guy). Nobody can fix it... but me.

40 minutes on the treadmill. 8 minutes on the recumbent bike. 20 minutes in the sauna (dripping sweat covered the tears).

It's better. It's a new day. I WILL NOT repeat yesterday evening. I will not let words get the better of me. Nothing is worth it. I wouldn't want a stranger to be on the receiving end of those words... much less my sweet babies or my loving hubby or my dear friends. It's not worth letting momentary anger, guilt or ignorance take control of the moment. Think. THINK.

Right now, I want sleep. But I can't. Maybe I'll try counting sheep. I couldn't find any last night when I was up until midnight. Do you know where I can rent sheep?

what's that you say?

2009-04-13T15:48:00.004-05:00

Our church choir is awesome... often literally awe-inspiring. However, I prefer they sing in English. They occasionally pull out the German Cantata, but more often it's beautiful music accompanied by Latin lyrics. The first song? I'm with 'em. Anymore? They've lost me. I've moved on to making a mental grocery list, going over the upcoming week's calendar, etc. Yesterday, on Easter Sunday, there were three Latin lyric songs. Beautiful? Absolutely! But at lunch, David and I discussed where our minds wandered during the second and third songs.

So, the biggest crowds are at church on Easter and Christmas. David asked the question, "Do the crowds at Easter [this week] think that the church services all the rest of the year are as busy, crowded & packed-in as Easter Sunday?" I mean, are they sitting in the 11 AM service thinking to themselves: Nobody's gonna miss us. See why we don't come? There's too much traffic, nowhere to park and the church has all these people tithing and volunteering... they don't NEED us. Why don't we say out loud at some point, "We're not only glad you're here today, we want you back! It's not always like this. It won't be like this again until Christmas. We NEED you!"

Is it pride? Is it that the church who is there every week wants everyone else to think, "Yes, we're this big, we're this good, see we must be doing something right... look at all the people." We have an opportunity and an obligation to balance worship, discipleship and welcoming. Of course, it shouldn't be about "getting butts in seats."

Instead, it's about winning disciples for Christ for the transformation of the world. Get people plugged into a small group. Fellowship. Study. Worship. Honestly, who needs the big church house? It's just a shell without honest, down-to-earth people sharing, laughing, crying & experiencing God's grace and unconditional love with each other and others. Some of my best worship experiences have been at a friend's house or on a mission trip... Although, the music there might not have been as good, it was in English.

giggle boxes

2009-04-12T17:14:00.002-05:00

I wish I had the energy of a 6 year old boy. He can run, wrestle and snuggle, then tickle fight to the death. Have you ever seen oversized boxing gloves, like for kids to goof around with. Granted, I've watched two little guys go at it, red vs blue, and I'm not sure I'd be the one left standing against either one of them. But, most of the time, they were laughing. And the adults watching? We were laughing too.

That's one of the best feelings ever... having your giggle box turned over. Laughing so much that your abdominal muscles ache. Little kids begging to be tickled. Their laughter is better for my health than "an apple a day." Not only is the laughter contagious in the moment, it actually lifts the spirit of those nearby for much longer. Listening to it makes you smile and maybe even laugh too.

There are lots of gifts we can share. Graciously spending time together... laughing & smiling... it's the best! Do they make those "toy" boxing gloves in adult sizes? Anyone in?

He is Risen!

2009-04-12T09:06:00.000-05:00

Happy Easter!

Hallelujah!

stinkin' hardware

2009-04-11T11:06:00.003-05:00

I'm lucky that I can successfully turn on a t.v. But, add any number of boxes (game consoles, DVD players, satellite receivers, surround sound/stereo) and I'm lost if I need to switch between them. Then, throw me over to the computer. I'm great with applications. Hardware??? Hate it.

My iPod has died. I've already given up on CPR. I've tried the chest compressions and it's still unresponsive. I'm in mourning. An hour walk feels longer without tunes. No jammin' with Katy Perry or Taylor Swift... b-o-r-i-n-g. And it is too nice outside, even with the wind, to go into the clubhouse for treadmill time.

I might be more inclined to understand hardware if it cleaned my house: dusted, mopped, cleaned the tub & toilet. Anyone working on that? No? Fine. I'll have to do it myself...

"If quizzes are quizicle...

2009-04-10T15:17:00.003-05:00

what are tests?" - from Click & Clack, weekends on NPR

It's tough to make small talk. It's tougher to make small talk when you'd rather make tall talk. Does that make sense? I only get to see one of my friends at the elementary school. She's an educator. I'd like to sit and chat with her while we sip iced tea on the front porch. Let the kids play wii or xbox. Let the guys play wii or xbox. But, our schedules are just as jam-packed as everyone else's. So, we text. It's very entertaining.

girl stuff.

friends.

marriage.

kids.

kids & bath time.

husbands.

t.v. shows.

"i'm not crazy, am i?"

Even after school, I'd like to stand and chat but then I have two little people staring at me, begging for sonic happy hour, remembering that it's Friday and they can play video games on the weekend & the weekend has officially started. "C'mon MOM!"

Someday, I'll have my front porch swing. Someday, I'll have my friend over... maybe we should schedule that. I do have porch chairs.

(At least I got to use my word of the day: quizicle.)

a momma's story

2009-04-10T13:19:00.007-05:00

Once upon a time... I'm just kidding. I can't do it to you. I won't try to tell a story so sweet and heart-felt that it reminds you of another time in your own life and the sheer memory of that time, and how fast it moved from present to past, brings you to tears but in a good way. I was watching TLC's A Baby Story... but I'm done now. Aren't you glad?!

Instead, I'm going to tell you a story about school projects. I know I have my college degree, but apparently I'm still working on my GPA. Judson's in kindergarten. All students in six kinder classes were asked to create a container to prevent a raw egg from breaking while dropped from the roof of the school. They had 10 days or so to complete the project. Of course, we waited until the night before. And, of course - since I'm a first-born with people-pleasing, perfection-in-efforts issues - I looked online for a successful plan. Sing it with me now: "Pea-nut, peanut butter... popcorn." Yes, I'm serious. We used most of a large jar of peanut butter; put it into a styrofoam cup; pushed the raw egg (in a baggie) down into the PB; covered it with more PB; put the cup into the center of a box (cut and reshaped to less than 7x7x7) and filled in the space around the cup with popped popcorn.

I prepared Judson to explain what "we'd" done. In my defense, he did help me. He watched the whole time. We discussed the pressure of impact, how the PB would absorb shock, etc. If his teacher had asked, I think he could've said something coherent. Anyway, I rushed from my workout back to the school to see the drop. I missed his box drop, but we all went into the classroom to open the containers to see the results. (Ohhh, I'm so nervous and excited!)

His teacher began helping students cut open, unwrap and discover the outcomes. I offered to help. Now, I was good. I helped 5 or 6 other students before I helped Judson. I didn't want to seem overly anxious. I mean, it's my grade on the line... or not. Anyway, Judson's egg survived! We win! Out of the 20 students in his class, 7 students' eggs survived. Wahoo! Ours was the messiest, but smelled the best. I smell extra credit! Do they give extra credit in kindergarten? I don't think she even took a grade... doesn't she know that we looked it up online, that we talked about the scientific process, that we learned something?

Nope, it was just cool. But, we all know... I - uhhh, Jud - got an A+.

butt crunches

2009-04-09T10:41:00.004-05:00

This is on the list of things one shouldn't say in school, per a workout buddy this morning (she rattled off a short list). She's a fourth grade teacher at a local school and she cracks me up. Apparently, I crack her up too. Anyway, we often end our workouts with butt crunches... working our gluteus maximus, trying to make it minimus. (No, we don't laugh and giggle like these girls in the clip. We're more like "HOW MANY per person??? Answer: 30 for a total of 180 this morning.) I'm not complaining. That is clearly one area of my vessel that needs additional work. :-0

But during this Holy Week, the final stretch for those who stuck to their lenten sacrifices, I'm searching for something deeper. I've had recent conversations with two friends (yes, I have at least two). One was about reality and about how God has a plan. We have to trust in Him and do the best we can do, knowing that's all we can do. The other was about priorities - making ourselves a priority, putting us on the list - and about letting others help lift us up. I see God's hand in that too. I learn a lot from my friends: from their perspectives, their experiences, their silliness and their grace.

I am blessed and I am thankful.

...even for the crunches (of every variety, preferably Nestle).

check ...and check

2009-04-08T21:09:00.001-05:00

I'm lucky.

I love my friends.

done.

and done.

sam i am, no?

2009-04-08T07:45:00.002-05:00

waiting for my oatmeal to cool... kids should already be at school... and I'm thinking about what my profile says about me, really. I read others' profiles (on blogs, facebook, on book jackets) and I consider changing mine. People can craft sentences to make beautiful music. When others read the words, they smile. They want to know more.

Some things you might not care to know?

My favorite colors are green, black and blue jeans. "My president is black, my lambo's blue..." oh wait, sorry. I like mowing my yard and pulling weeds. To look in my drawers or under my bathroom sink, you'd think I collect bottles of lotion. Really? I'm just trying to find one that actually relieves dry skin. I have organized chaos and it's okay. Apparently I can let that go. I wear blue jeans two or three times between washings because they fit better (and stretch out a little which fools my mind). I love photography. I enjoy crafts that I can start and finish quickly (within an afternoon). I'm a list-maker and a crosser-offer. I enjoy being involved in church and mission. I like adult interaction. I'm compulsively on time... which means early. If we're on time, we're late. AND, the kids are about to be late for school.

And, my shower curtain rings are still upside down and hung up on each other. Growth.

I'm down with OCD, yeah you know me

2009-04-07T07:29:00.006-05:00

So begins my day...

I don't have a clinical diagnosis, but I clearly have OCD tendencies. I won't try to deny it. Some things could be classified as, "I just like it the way I like it." Other things, probably not so much. But, you decide.

It really bugs me to shower and start the day without exercising first. I think it's a positive habit, one that has helped me shed layers of my former self. I may have traded one bad habit for a less bad habit, but I feel better. I have blogged about it some, but yesterday I cursed the "damn scale" in a facebook status update and one of my friends held an online intervention. I may see her point.

I like my towel to hang on the right, furthest away from the shower. No, it's not because of water spray. In the past, it became clear to me that David - while being legally blind and wanting to dry off after his shower - grabs the closest towel to the shower. Nevermind that we use the philosophy that "you're clean when you get out of the shower, so use the towel at least a couple of times," you know, for water conservation. Well, in that OCD way, I wash the shower curtain regularly and make sure the curtain hangs right so that it dries completely, etc. The curtain rings are stainless and occasionally get hung on one another. I faced down a growth opportunity this morning. I took my whole shower, got ready and everything... and left the rings upside down and twisted together (see photographic proof above). What's more, they're still like that. I didn't "fix" it. Which piece of this story is more troubling: that I noticed it, that it bugged me, that I took a picture of it, or that I'm writing about it?

Before I saw the curtain rings this morning, I planned to write about profiling today. So, there... a sneak peak into the future. I'm letting it go today (for Amy R., Amy S., Cheryl L., Megan S. and Amanda B.). I'm letting it go...

pantry smack down

2009-04-06T11:49:00.002-05:00

IT'S WAR. Game on. What else can I say to prove that I'm so gut-wrenchingly serious? The pantry and I are having a staring contest and I'm going to win in about 3 minutes when I toss everything into the garbage. In the past four weeks I've gained 6 pounds. What in the hell. (Sorry, I have run out of nice words while working out in the church house... keeping the over-cusser in the bottle.) I'm channeling the anger, directed inward, into action.

Game on: weigh-ins are now scheduled for Friday's and Monday's to prevent mid-week and weekend splurges. My dear friend gained only 0.8 lbs during the same four weeks, God love her... have a donut, or a dozen... just to hold still until I catch back up (or down).

So, bring on the legumes for protein, the fruit for natural sugars, the occasional baked potato for starch, the rabbit food - I mean salad with carrots and tomatoes, the cottage cheese, etc. Throw away, a.k.a. "smack down," the vanilla sandwich cookies, wheat thins, chips, ice cream, Sonic cheeseburgers, Lucy's chicken fried chicken with cream gravy & mashed potatoes and coconut cream pie... do you see my issue? You probably gained 3 lbs just reading.

schedule-mania

2009-04-06T07:54:00.002-05:00

Around my house, the calendar is king. If an event doesn't make it onto the calendar, we won't be there. Sometimes it's an accident, sometimes not. One hurdle we're still practicing to clear is coordinating my calendar (i.e., both boys & my activities... and the ones David tells me about) and David's calender (everything David and the items we've discussed and that he forgets to write down). Yes, we had an issue last week: Tuesday night last week and March 31 were the same day and, while I had cleared that evening with him before making plans, he made a commitment to stay late at work. Praise God for good friends!

But, I have other issues... ones that are all mine and that now force me to make a choice. In these increasingly tough & uncertain economic times, we balance the following ratio carefully - family:faith:work:fitness:friends. I recently completed the steps to become a substitute teacher at the boys' school. They called this morning. Luckily, today I have an "excuse" in that the district is submitting our background checks today, so I'm not technically eligible to sub today. Good, because I have a workout scheduled and we're weighing in today. (My personal goal is "don't cry.")

Therein sits my conflict. I would like to sub. I love to exercise. Also coming up soon, I am scheduled to chaperone two field trips, one with each of the boys. I'd really like to workout earlier in the mornings on Monday & Wednesday. Who really wants to get up that early? No one, but I want it all, including... to workout with the trainer and my friend; to be available to sub; to meet a friend for lunch; to get a pedicure without wrangling the boys with Sonic snacks as bribes, etc.

I believe I can manage my schedule better so that I can do it all. Am I optimistic? Yes. Am I spoiled? I don't think so. Do I have a responsibility to do more? Absolutely. See what I mean? Schedule-mania... and I wish I were simply referring to March Madness in college hoops.

enable-izer

2009-04-02T14:30:00.003-05:00

Have you ever set a goal? Sure, all the time, right? You decide to end up a set place at a set time, calculate what it takes to get there, then set yourself into motion with the end goal in mind. Then, life happens. Are you still with me?

First, let's set it all out there... how many times has "Lose weight" been listed on your New Year's Resolutions? Every year, right? I speak from experience. A couple of years ago, when I was working with a good friend of mine, I was (we were) having trouble sticking to that goal. David nick-named her my enabler. What? No! (Hi Kim.) We would run out for a fast food lunch 2 of the 3 days we worked every week. And when I say fast food lunch, I'm specifically talking about JITB ultimate cheeseburger, seasoned curly fries and a larger D.P. (she drank Diet Coke). So, you can see that the philosophy of "You fly, I'll buy" didn't exactly tow the line of "what it takes to reach the goal."

Well, today I became an enabler... I think. I tried hard. I was dedicated. I sent three texts. I asked what popcorn flavors she wanted. I gave her more time, letting her know that I'd stopped to look at a kitchen island in a store that happened to be down the street from the greatness of Love, Peace & Popcorn. Honestly, I wanted some popcorn. Light Caramel, to be exact. I couldn't go in for me. But, I could go in for someone else and then while I'm there anyway pick a little something up for myself & David. No harm, no foul. Right?

I knew I was enabling myself as I drew my friend into my web of "it's all good if it's light caramel." I told myself to not think about tomorrow morning's weigh in. It's going to be bad anyway. We haven't weighed in over the past 4 weeks... since before our trip to New Mexico. It's not going to be good tomorrow. Megan and I are going to pay for it next week (and the week after, and so on). So, I enabled myself and a friend to have yummy popcorn today. By the way, I haven't heard back from her but I bought her some anyway... BBQ, light caramel & a smores. She's going to thank me!

How can I help you today?

it doesn't suck

2009-04-01T07:59:00.004-05:00

I would like to think that I can appreciate the humor in others without stealing. You know when you're impressed by how someone dresses, or you learn something new from watching someone else, you may be inclined to incorporate bits and pieces into your own world? Well, I like to observe that in language. I even find that I "steal" language nuggets from those I'm around most... many times in a good way.

Most of you reading (is anybody reading?) probably haven't exercised with me. So, this example is really for David, Carrie, Megan, typhoid Susie, and others on Tuesday & Thursday mornings, I guess. Anyway, long story short, I'm the exerciser-over-cusser. David listens to a local sports radio station all the time and one segment or bit they had on regularly - that I remember, at least - was a fake interview with a guy who cursed every other word and sometimes every word, but in a this-is-as-normal-as "a, and & the" kind-of way. Then, I've been around people who accent their every day vocabulary with those words. Well, I've found that I'm the exerciser-over-cusser. When the trainer pushes us that extra bit, where you think your muscles have decided to cut loose and curl up and die... here she comes... Granted, it's not the nicest or most lady-like example of how we take on the language around us, but it cracks me up. As a 2009 resolution, I've retired the over-cusser. Now, I just reference her and threaten to bring her back at those stressful workout moments.

Then, there's David... my dear Dave. He is what I am not: current on pop culture, movies & music (except Country, which I love), informed on most all things political and/or current headlines, etc. He's also very funny. He'll throw out comments here and there to see if you're listening. I think he even cracks himself up. He has a laundry list of one-liners, of which most recently I've picked up, "well, it doesn't suck." This one is greatness. I'm not sure I want the boys running around with it in their hip pocket, ready to pull it out at school in response to a teacher asking, "Now, that was simple, wasn't it?" To which they reply, "Well, it doesn't suck." Uh, no. I think Judson's bar of soap might make an appearance... you know, for being disrespectful.

But think of it...

Great dessert? It doesn't suck!

New computer? It doesn't suck.

Broken vacuum? It doesn't suck.

Swim suit season? It.... well, I guess there's at least one.

What do you say? Anything good that I can borrow?

am I growing?

2009-03-31T12:32:00.005-05:00

I'm a giver.

I like to help others. Often I can't find the right words to say. I'm not the brain behind the magic. I'm the worker bee. I'll take notes, observe, organize or assemble. I can brainstorm with the best of them, but I think I sound like an idiot (in the most loving and Christian way possible).

So, this morning I volunteered at the elementary school. While I was assembling, I was lucky enough to connect with a friend - another kindergarten parent. She's adorable. Without trying, she knows what to say and has a smile on her face. If you've ever been in a workroom for very long, you've heard some kind of gossip. We didn't though... no way, not us. Stating the obvious (or public knowledge) doesn't count, does it? (Even if it IS "Tacky Tuesday!")

Later this morning I caught up with another friend, still in the workroom. She's a hoot 'n a holler! She's the one everyone likes to be around. She's funny and quick-witted. I hope that some of that rubs off on me. But she said the kindest thing to me. She said she likes to hear me talk. Yeah, my extended family from the "true South" (Tennessee, Mississippi & Georgia - they and my husband say that Texas is in the West) like to hear me talk too... so they can tease me about how my long i's aren't pronounced correctly, etc. I think she was talking about something else. Maybe I'm funny. I know it's a stretch. Maybe I say too much and they laugh at me instead of with me. Our conversation this morning even included thoughts about 'being careful about what you say as to not hurt someone's feelings' and about 'being too self conscious,' that the humor may shield something deeper.

I enjoy being around people who make me a better person. I have a couple of tall friends... but, for some reason, that isn't working as well for me.

If you give a piglet a cookie,

2009-03-30T14:28:00.003-05:00

... it'll eventually look like a pig!

The Land's End "Swim Headquarters" catalog came in today's mail, as if I wasn't already well aware that swim suit season is fast approaching! Ick. I'm harder on myself than anyone else could be (I think). Granted, no matter what my "real age" is on those 20 questions, how-healthy-is-your-lifestyle quizzes, I'm okay with the reality that I'm not 20 anymore. And, I've heard that some of the magazine ads aimed at all women display 12-14 year olds. Sick.

So, yes, I'll be at the pool all summer with my boys. And yes, I'll take off my cover-up on West Beach in Gulf Shores. I may even enjoy myself. I hope I forget that everyone is human and is therefore making some kind of judgement every moment. I'm going to tell myself that they're judging my cool sunglasses, my "sweet" swimsuit, or my flattering toenail polish instead of my two hams. It's all good... and I really mean that!